I wish . . .

I wish I could show you my heart

For the sake that then

Maybe

You'd understand

If you could just see inside

To the walls of my skin

Thats where it all begins

Pure Bliss . . .

Heart racing
Thoughts stop instantly
Breath is taken
Face red
Body still

Holy shit.
Did that just happen?

What To Do . . .

Is it worth all the over thinking?
The pictures slide through my mind
Crossing from one side of my eyes to the other
All in a blur
What to do, what to do.
Key points pop out at me
Scratching the surface and leaving scars
On my once clear skin
Should I hold my breath and wait forever?
Or should I give up and just get over it...

How Dare . . .

I trusted you...
I gave my one true love to you,
In hopes that you would give her what I could not.
You have failed me.
You took this once porcelain doll,
Shattered her into a million pieces,
And left her to die alone.
I tried to pick up the pieces as best I could
From so far away.
You broke your promise.
You took the contract and ripped it in half,
Again and again,
Until just confetti laid up on the floor.
How dare you.
How dare you ever hurt her.
For that, I will never forgive you.

Demons . . .

The devil calls out to me
Screeching it's message across my brain, my eyes
I'm sotempted to go back to what i used to be
But something's stopping me...
It's not what they want
They want us to change
To grow and mature into the fiery demons we are meant to be
We toss and turn in our beds in the day
Having nightmares of terror and lust
Dusk comes slowly and we awaken
We light our candles on our candelabras
And run into the moonlight
So that the others can see who we really are

Slowly the others come out to marvel in our likeness
They see themselves in us
Realizing that we are all the same
As if they're looking into mirrors
They see their faces light up as ours
What were we so afraid of they ask themselves

Illusions . . .

The dreams
They speak to me.
They kick
And scream
And remind me constantly.
Will they let me forget?
Never.
They com into my consciousness,
Haunting me,
Making me yearn for what i can't have.
For what i threw away.
I cant run away.
It's all i see.
Illusions of what was once real,
But now is only a dream.
It tortures my existence
Taking me captive
And chaining me up
Against the dank, cold wall
Of imagination.
Everything chained up with cobwebs and ruins.
Good dreams,
Bad dreams,
In-between dreams,
All one by one
Rotting in this room,
Like skin on a dead mans corpse.
But what can we do?
We're chained up on wall and STUCK.
And so we wait...
To see what happens next  

Rape . . .

She sits, no
She hides in the corner
Behind the wreck he left for them
Trembling
Consumed in fear till her hair
Turns ghostly white

They were watching, yes
They were enjoying the show
He put on for them
Compelled by their power-driven minds
They consume.

Blank Faces . . .

We sit
Blank faces in our chairs
Our lives spin in a blur
Of years hours miles
Everywhere we are leaving prints
A biological tracing system
Left for everyone to find
But our blank faces
Remain unchanged

The Pause . . .

STOP!
Listen . . .
Can you hear it?
"What am I supposed to be hearing?" the old man asks.
Exactly!
The old man stares at me with a puzzled look on his face.
This is what they said could never happen
Physically impossible
Unheard of
The moment everything stops
Time stands still
And only you and a few select people
Are chosen to be in it

The Banshee Cries and You Decide . . .

A cross roads
Take this one or take that one
One leads you to what you want
The other gives you what you have
Which one will you choose

The banshee cries to the moon
As the time comes upon you to decide
You watch as a creatures gather
You look into their glowing eyes
Searching for answers
Do you take the easy way out?

You sit and think in your throne
While the dirt and sand swirl around you
Creating a shield one does not dare to penetrate
You weigh your options
Of the cross roads
Not sure which way to go

What if you choose wrong?
Will you be able to go back?
The banshee cries again
Waiting for your word
Which way will you go?
Only the banshee will ever know

The Dove's Message . . .

For you my heart
Drenched in my tears
And wrapped in my skin
I hold out

I surrender my mind
For there is nothing more to think about
I have exhausted the options
There is nothing I can do

My arms and legs are bound
And tied to your own
As i give away my mortal corpse
In exchange for my soul

And as I end this
I tie the rope to the dove's foot
Whisper in her ear "fly to my love."
Release her for my hands
And watch as she disappears into the night sky

The Decision . . .

Pins are being spiked into my skin,
One by one into each open gash,
I have made on myself.

How can a good thing come out of such excruciating pain?

The gashes bleed out dripping, seeping, draining,
The pigment from my already translucent skin,
Staining the pavement for all to see.

Will I gain anything from giving this gift that slowly kills me?

As the color drains from my world,
The greyscale of the storm sets in,
And I tremble in my captivating corpse.

What do I do to keep myself distracted from the constant reminders of you?

I brace myself for the tsunami of emotion
Throw up my invisible shield an bolt in the other direction,
Hiding from the nightmare I can't escape.

Beautiful Downfall . . .

I look into your eyes and I see the world at my demise
You say you love me but you push the dagger in and twist more and more every day
You finally made the choice between same and different
But it's too late
One last chance was given and you threw it in the trash like nothing
You expect me to be able to know what to do? I don't.
I look at you while the fire in my eyes slowly burns the picture I see
My heart has now been chiseled to the point of ashes
My body takes its one last breath as i try to hold on but i fall into the bottomless pit of the dark well that has Only gotten bigger.
Do you see them?
The bolts of lighting Zeus is waiting to throw them down upon you?
Your worst fear come to life by your own mistake
The clouds close in on the once sun-kissed world and you tremble
You watch the sheet of acidic rain run closer and closer to you every blink your eyes make
You turn to me and ask what I want you to do
And I tell you it's not my decision to make anymore
You are truly on your own.

Still . . .

I watch you run
Like wolves through the forest
Fast and light
Barely touching the ground
As you rush to his side
You hold on tight
To his thin cold body
Checking his pulse and listening for a breath
You cry because you can't handle the pain
Tears stream down like curtains
Covering your once pigmented skin
You shake him and yell at him
Trying to bring back the motionless body
Refusing to accept what has happened
But nothing helps
He's gone...

I Saw You In My Dreams Last Night . . .

I saw you in my dreams last night
You stood above my headboard
You watched over me
You took me by the hand and led me into you arms
With a gentle smile on your face
You held me close and tight
Warmer than I remembered
I felt the tears fall from your face
As they joined mine
And fled to the floor
I knew this would be the last time
That I would never see you again
But still I cling to your skin
Crying with you and feeling timeless
You kissed my forehead
And as your lips left my wet pale skin
I woke up.

To A Dear Friend . . .

You will never know how much I care
How much I love every stare
How much I long to hug you
And how much I love you too

You will always be the one I look to
The one I can talk to
The one I can run to in the middle of the night
And the one I can depend on to brighten my day

But what I need you to know
Is how much you mean to me
Is how much I cherish you
And how much I need you

Because without you I can't do this
I know I tried to get rid of you
But I couldn't which is why I came back
I'm not ready to loose you

I'm not ready to say goodbye
I"m not ready to see you leave
I'm not ready to watch you walk away
And I'm not ready to see you die

Know that I am always here
Know that I am always near
Know that I will never leave you
Know that I will always need you

Know that I will always try
And know that I will always cry
Because a world without you
Just isn't fair
And a you without life
I just couldn't bare.

In Memory . . .

To all those who are silenced
I write to you
In honor of all that you have become
The respect you all have
Is moving.
The lost words are ones,
That scare others.
And to all those who are lost
Because of this silence
I write to you.
To all those who have fought
To all those who have won
And to all those who have lost
I write to you
About all that we have overcome
So to those who read this poem
To those who see these words
I am silent
For all of you.

Always Been You . . .

I've been thinkin' bout
All the days
We've been through
Wonderin' why they all look the same
I'm just lookin' back
Makin sure
That this is it
Wonderin' if we'll make it hrough
Is it right
Is it wrong
Or is it just in this song.

Pity The Super Mom . . .

Pity the super mom
Whose always doing things
Who always has friends over
Who always has needs
Whose always going here and ther
Whose never ever there
Whose always buying things for you
Whose always saying she loves you
Whose always kicking you out
Who always has to be right
I'm sorry...

Untitled . . .

The wind howls,
And you cheer,
For the undead rise again into power.
They capture our dreams,
And shatter our truths.
They make us question what we know,
And what we believe.
They surround us in their beauty,
And shine upon us like angels,
Bittersweet in their existence.

The Things I Could Never Tell You . . .

Rack my brain every day
And each day I long to tell you
How I really feel.

I wish you knew how stupid you were
To believe we would make it.
How every time you said I love you
It meant nothing.
How on earth can you be so vapid and shallow?
You give back to the people you don't know
Yet you don't know how to love your own family
You shower us with gifts
And then disagree with everything we say
How can you not see it?
The pain I love with every second
You sit and wonder why I don't engage
When people who have known me for two days
Can read everything about me in an instant
I'm an open book to the whole world and yet you still see gibberish

But it doesn't matter anymore
You sit at your high throne
Thinking everything is okay
Because when everything is said and done
I'll be the one on top
Because I see things you don't
I know how to love and how to show it
I've learned from the best
And i've learned the hard way
Something you never had to experience.
You lived this sheltered childhood
And I feel sorry for you
Because you grew up cold
Like a winter wind you can't escape from
You show yourself to the world
And feel ashamed
When I stand here strong and confident.

I know who I am
And I know that I am better than you
And when the time comes
I hope you finally see the monster
You have created for yourself
You are weak and fragile
And will never know what it is to be
Living.

Immortal . . .

How easy it was for you to leave
One look at me and then you vanished
Like smoke evaporating into thin air
You didn't look back.
My world collapsed
Like a wall of bricks falling one by one
Stuck on repeat.
My days became weeks and then months.
The nightmares of where you are
Sear through my veins like branding
Forced into my skin
Deep and scorching hot.
The thought of a life without you
Has now become my reality
I sit in the same chair day after day
And age with worry and emptiness
When you stand still
Not a year past seventeen.

My Heart . . .

Slowly dripping from my breast,

A red trail,

Drop by drop,

Leaving permanent scars on my soul.

What was i to know

That by such a young age

So much could taint

The flawless baby skin i used to have.

The wound opens and closes

As i let you in and you close me up.

It bleeds red, and orange, and purple, and blue,

For love, and passion, and trust, and sorrow,

Making it's emotions known,

With the words that it writes.

Unknown Death . . .

The stone
Exists in the vanishing ash of the meadow
I hovered over with my cold breath
Waiting mindlessly as i watched it disappear
Into the white silence
I tried to comprehend as i felt drops of rain fall on my skin
Resurrecting every memory i had exiled into dark
The pureness of knowledge led me to one conclusion
Eternity

Who What When Where and Why . . .

how could i have been so blind
like the old man who can't see but knows all
i knew in my heart
i could hear it in your voice
but you said no
how could i have been so blind

how could i have let this happen
this time goes by and it's because of me
i let you slip through
right through my fingers like sand
i should have known
how could i have let this happen

what are we going to do now
we sit in silence not knowing what to say
we want the same thing
but has so much time passed that we
forget how to be us
what are we going to do now

how do we move on
how can we move on
where do we go from here . . .

I Long For The Day . . .

i remember
every little thing
your warm embrace
and when you smiled at me
i remember comfort
happiness
wholeness

now that time has gone away
i sit here in the shadow of today
and wonder
if i'll ever find it again

i long for the day
when i stop having
this doubt in my mind
i long for the day
that this cloud above me
drifts away
i long for the day
when i can stop feeling bad
and i long for the day
when things won't be this way . . .

Self-Doubt . . .

hands touch
lips kiss
i stare longingly into your eyes
im trying
so hard
to prove to you
that i'm yours
is it helping?
i look away
hoping you won't notice
because my self-doubt
is too strong
what if this is it?
will i ever be with you again?
i hope so . . .

Wrecked . . .

That Stupid Ring . . .

Reminder . . .

Proposal . . .

Lost . . .

Jennifer . . .

Gun Shot . . .

Goodbye Love . . .

Children . . .